Success in life is often dependent on preparation.
Take the case of Cristen D. Moore, 22, of Jackson, Mich. All he had to do was toss a football. What all-American boy hasn’t thrown the ol’ pigskin around?
Still, since this throw was important, you might expect Moore to take a few practice tosses in his backyard before making the real attempt.
Moore declined, believing he was already worth a spot in Peyton’s place. But he wasn’t the Manning for the job.
Moore’s throw fell short, landing in between two fences. Unfortunately for Moore they were prison fences and his football was filled with drugs and cellphones.
A prison guard saw Moore’s antics and now he could face prison time himself.
It isn’t all bad, though. The football-hopeful will still get to play in the hoosegow – but instead of being the quarterback, he may end up a tight end.
Preparation isn’t that hard.
Take the Gallup, N.M. woman who needed a late-night snack from McDonald’s. She could have saved herself a lot of trouble if she had just taken a nap first. Instead the woman fell asleep in the drive-thru. The police woke her up and decided it wasn’t her perfume that smelled like alcohol.
Remind me never to get in a fight with Edward Holley. During a dispute, the 59-year-old Orlando man threw hot grits on another man, who suffered burns over 30% of his body.
It could have been worse. Holley could have made the man eat the grits. Yuck!
If you’re going to throw something hot at me, could you make it Drew Barrymore of Angelina Jolie?
But, if you have to, follow the example set by Shawnta Thomas, 37, of New Castle, Penn., who threw bacon grease at her boyfriend. I love bacon, so at least I’d enjoy licking my wounds.
Okay, back to preparation. If you plan a burglary there is one essential you have to bring with you – your cojones. And it’s a good idea to make sure Patty Kearney isn’t home.
The Kearneys were watching TV in their Marion, Ind,. Home when a would-be Jesse James broke in brandishing a wrench. Mr. Kearney – who also seems to lack cojones– was ready to surrender, but his wife, 63, and using an oxygen tank wasn’t giving in to this unwanted pest.
She beat him with a back scratcher until he dropped his wrench, then she picked it up and chased the intruder away. It’s doubtful that the crook learned his lesson though. She was using a wrench when he clearly had a couple of screws loose.
Speaking of wacky, things really hit the fan when San Marino Mayor Dennis Kneiers was caught tossing dog feces on a neighbor’s lawn Kneiers resigned after finding himself in the doghouse.
An Alabama man could have avoided arrest if he had simply called the mayor’s office to see if Hizzoner was in. Instead Bobby Beck, 59, showed up with a badge, unlicensed gun, handcuffs – only to find out that pretending to be an FBI agent is illegal.
Then again, maybe some things just can’t be prepared for.
In St. Augustine, Michael Lee MacMahon, 20, was hard at work – pretending to be a cop – when he made an unwise traffic stop. The other driver was a real cop. At least now MacMahon can portray a real inmate.