Listen up, ladies, we need to talk. Hey, my eyes are up here, okay?
Apparently some women just don’t get it, but “no” means “no!”
A Texas man awoke to find the wife of his friend performing a sex act on him. Maybe she was practicing for an oral exam or something, but the man didn’t care. He called 9-1-1.
The 31-year-old woman was arrested for felony burglary with intent to ![]()
commit sexual assault. The poor woman is probably so ashamed that he wants to move away from Texas. Hey, ma’am, the house next to mine is for rent – and my door’s unlocked.
Just saying.
What is it about sex that seems to make folks do such silly things?
I mean there was Crystal, a 28-year-old Tennessee woman who was arrested performing oral sex on a used car dealer so she could get a better deal. I have no idea if her interest rate went down, but she sure proved to be a sucker for a good deal.
Maybe the dealer did his advertising by word of mouth?
That’s where I draw the line. I’m just going to keep getting screwed by used car salesmen, thank you very much.
Communication is probably the most important ingredient in any relationship, as one man painfully discovered as he was about to have sexual romp with his new girlfriend.
“Did you bring Pam?” he asked, referring to cooking spray he wanted to use as a lubricant.
Barbara, his girlfriend, flew into a jealous – and violent – rage because she thought he meant Pam, his former girlfriend.
Bet he’ll think twice before he asks for Mrs. Butterworth.
Remember “Three’s Company? The premise worked great as a TV show, but not so well for David and Mindi. Mindi got angry when she thought her husband was showing too much attention to the third member of their sex triangle and pulled a gun! SWAT had to be called.
With a temper like that, it’s easy to see why Mork left Mindi.
Shazzbot.
A Wisconsin man apparently spent too much time on the couch. Police say Gerard was arrested for having sex with a couch left on the side of the road!
Gerard tried to escape when police approached, but they caught him with his pants down. In his defense, it can be hard to tell the difference between a couch and love seat.
A Florida man learned the hard way that you don’t welch when you’re in bed with Racquel. He – um, er – finished before she did, so she scratched and clawed him.
And you thought Cupid’s arrow hurt.
In Michigan, Sadie was no lady when her paramour disappointed her. He finished when she did, but apparently did not deliver enough with his payload, so she shot him.
Finally, a Munich, Germany man had to flee to the police station for assistance when his girlfriend refused to let him stop having sex. They had done it three times in a row and she wanted a fourth go-round!
What-up with that?